Monday, December 12, 2005

i ran so tears wont fall

the screaming voices the resonates in my mind as i ran through a dark road that was flled of deadly eyes gives me the shiver. and as the muddy ground that i stepped into illuminates the memories of inevitable pain that continue to torture me. pictures in my mind that makes me wana scream out of anger at myself.

there i was, feigning smiles and laughters. i can no longer withstand learning that tears are going to wet my cheeks making them shimmer in the night sky. He came together with him his raging thought of burning sensations of love and jealousy while there i was hiding all the pain and fear inside of me. i cannot share these forbidden emotions that i have burried in oblivion. no light shall ever get inside it. i came after him and followed himwhen he walked out but his 360 degree turn made me deaf, a monotonous scream of different emotions came rushing inside my auricles battered my eardrums. i felt numb. my heart beat so fast that my body cannot cope up with the blood rushing in my veins. all thoughts crashed into an island far from my dream and brought me to the darkest reality. love has shown his shadows. i sought for the tune to catch along to get directly in his heart. but i failed myself.

his voice had awaken the sleeply people. everyone stared at us. i felt like melting away from humiliation but his rage spurted out and burnt me away. i rfoze, sweating like a pig. i started to back out and walk the other way around and tried to shut the door tightly only to hear the roars of pain. and at that point, all my anger wanted to burst out, i help myself, i crushed my heart, i closed my mind, just so that i would calm down. a deep talk came and i didnt want to listen for i was sick of listening to the same old things.

he hugged me, tears were overflowing, it was starting to fill the riverbanks. the feeling of wanting to hug him back came to me at that moment, but the urge was stopped by pain i would have caused.

i ran as fast as i canso that the wind would kiss my face and wipe the tears away from me. so that the sobs could be misheard for coughs, my body's energy would jsut be wasted and soon i will break down in that same dark road. the memories will look at me, i would be lying unconscious and exhausted with no tears. i have closed my heart and threw it away the moment he stained that needle with his own blood.

i will now falter, i will now swim back in my dreams, i will fly away somewhere, naked and not ashamed of the dark. i have learned. the light in me is gone, and i will never gonna let it shine again. that way, no one will be fooled by the pain it can cause. and no one shall ever be blinded and be burnt by it.









the_end

Sunday, December 11, 2005

tagalog freak

patawarin mo sana ako.

hindi ako iiyak sa harap mo,
doon ako sa sulok iiyak,
kung saan walang makakita,
sa harap ng mga tao,
ako ay tatawa,

hindi ko lubos maisip,
ang sakit na aking napinsala,
napakasama ko.
hindi ako ang... AAAAARGH!!

ewan ko.. nauubos na ang tagalog ko.

PFFFT!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

self pitying sucks... pretty sucks...

self pitying really sucks..

yes, and im an a**hole for going to have some self-worthless sort of speech. lolz

NOT!!!


right now, im afraid to be part of someone else's life. i dont want to ruin anybody. or if ever they do want to get ruined, i dont want to be part of it.(giggles).. but really, i feel so vulnerable to anything. yep! whats the word, thats the word! and i dont want to suffer from any nostalgia or radiating pain with in me that seems to grow deeper by even pain i inflict to people..


i just want to be alone...



such a looser.. lolz

Monday, December 05, 2005

i just hate it.

others think im all that.. innocent, young, good hearted, fun.. im NOT!!!

im a freaking imbecile! aargh!!!


and i just feel like not myself anymore..

Saturday, December 03, 2005

what hav i gotten myself into?

such trouble that im putting myself into..
i'm trapped in this mess..
i feel nostalgic..
damn this feeling...


and will i be forever be afraid?

i just want to feel how lonely life can be...