whoa.. new life

well..
guys. something came up to my life..

what hav i just got into? i have this new friend. like, yeah, smart and stuff. then everything when fast.. i mean.. i liked him. and he said he liked me. no problem with that. but the thing is.. distance.. but i dont give a damn.. right now, while im making this blog, we're still chatting. and it makes me wonder, will this really work? then i remember someone tell me that things happen if we allow it to happen. uhmmm. if WE allow this to work, will this really work? oh God! help!!
will it be really us? i dont know. havent tried this kind yet. hehehe


peanut? *giggles*

drug dose. distilled water? hehehe

oooooooooh-weeeeeeeeee..

today, it was a fun day for me. indeed, an experience never to forget. hahahaha its so painful.. *sobs*

nursing is a science and an art as well. hahahaha art ka dra bah!? the art of tusok-tusok? hehehe we had our drug administration today! :-)

3 shots!! *moans* first, the intradermal injection, and its so weird to see a bleb form out in your arm.. like, yikes! will it explode? but it didnt. i had a fine nurse. that was my classmate.

some were crying cause they cant take the pain from it. or, they wer scared of injection and seeing blood.(if your scared of blood, why are you takin up this course?!?!)

i was sooooooo nervous, and was being so clumpsy. first, the cottonball fell from my hands, then, i opened the wrong syringe, then when i was trying to aspirate(removing the air from the syringe. you dont want air injected to you!), the needle fell!! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! then, next, when i was doing the intradermal injection, the needle almost got dettached from the syringe!! so scary... i was so shaky and stuff. then, doing the SQ was a bit okay.. then the IM!!!, the injection site was on the a**!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.. ouch!!!

it really feels weird. its like your muscles would have spasms. or something.. waaaaaaaaaaaa.. i feel so tired, but i think it was worth it..

hehehehe

wala lng.. :-) i hope ill make it up to my capping/badging!

no more..

enough of the lies, enough of the promises. i am tired. i had enough.
i would remember everything we had together, and i would not forget it.
thank you.

p.s.
*ngano wa man ni napublish?! i posted this yesterday.. or i thought it was posted. hahaha

brave?

today, i was able to try to handle things about my life. i let go of the person that i loved the most, it will never be the same. i let go not because i wanted to, but because i have to. i want them to be happy. finally, it has all ended. i dont want to ruin anything right now. i give up. but this time. just please do what both of you promised me. okay? bantay lang jud lagi mo nako bah.. hehe

somebody told me it was so brave of me to have this decision. what so brave at crying in silence? hiding what you really feel? i dot think that's really brave. but i am really happy for the both of them.

*sighs* i hope things will soon be better and okay..

*sighs*

whew.. the events of my life are turning like some kind of a drama series on pinoy tv. and im the antagonist! my favorite part. yesterday, i had an EB. but we just talked and it was soo boring, went home and then suddenly, everything moved so fast. i went out to see the other guy. and we became friend. "we" ra nuon. i understand what he feels, i can relate to everything he tells me about what he doesnt like. he's feelin sorry about the things that happend, but i dont blame him. i've forgiven the other guy. i think.

i know what the other guys feels. i can relate , i've been there. i hope he would be able to appreciate it. and not do what has happened to him..

right now, i want my life back. i want so straighten things up. i've learned a lot.

thanks..

im wishin both of you well, but if ever you'll mesup again, you'll be facing me. i mean, be good. or else.. hehehe


the_rabbi

forever?

ceejyo
Originally uploaded by the_rabbi.

i was saving this for a very special occasion. some of our fondest memories captured. and i want to know if it was going to be us forever. time passed by, things change, people came to our lives. its sad when we get lost in the corners of these challenges. and then you fall hard down to the ground, waiting for a hand to reach out to you... i've learned a lot. i've felt the beautiful things in life, my world changed, i found myself, i earned friends on the way, i got the courage to stand and fight for everything that i believed in.

as of now, im stil tired of pretending to be okay. im tired of these meaningless smiles that i show to everyone for these past few days. i long to find myself.. have i lost myself in the process of loving the person that i valued most in my life? is this a lesson that i have to learn. he was the first person that i loved the most and changed my life. now we're here in this point..

*sighs*




gugmang giatay.. sakit-sakit lang ani.

nothingness

things come and go.. we have to dfeal with it.. we have to learn to let go of things. we just cant keep on helping people, teaching them things they dont want to.. and when we let go of people, just dont hold them too tight.. dont force them to do the things which you think is good cause they have to find it for themselves.. we are incharge of ourselves.. we are responsible for our actions..

dont hold someone too tight when he's not yours, you'll never know, he might hate you for that.. but anyways, its not hate that im feeling right now. i just feel so pissed with myself for allowing to be treated like this.but..

but i have to learn things by myself this time...

well. the_rabbi is back.. the_rabbi....


p.s.,
what do you want to do with my life??

goodbyes

its so sad when things end up to.. i dont know.. kapoya ani uy..

last night, i had an arguement with someone.. dah!! ngano btaw.. hahahaha how sad naman para niya, kay wala siya kaila jud nako.... i hope he'll learn not to mess with me.. samok-samok siya, then mao na?? pa-q!!

well anyways, wala ko kasabot jud uy............ waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

topas ra huna-hunaon.. porbida sad aning gugmang giatay uy!!

cant hink well right now... sakit-sakit lang ni sa atong self.. hahahahahahahaha

whatelse can i do? i feel like wasted, been trying very hard not to loose myself...





pfffffffft!

talk the talk

today, we had a talk.. i ahvnt seen him for the weekend... then, we met, talked a bit.. our talk didnt started well, but anyways, the point is... (actually, i dont know.. im just holding to the thought), that we are stil both confused.. i guess, but we are friends.. but stil in a commitment, but best friends mi! we had a deal that states we have to keep our barriers low, we would tell each other, be open to one another.. well anyways, i really dont know much, but im going to help myself.. honestly, love pa jud nako cya not as a friend. :( but we have to be this sa.. maybe we'll find out the answers soon.... haay naku...

gugmang giatay.. sagdii lng.. hehehe

friends mi karon...

BF

BestFriends..

for you..

imsorry if it hasto end this way, im going to miss everything that we've been through. the arguements that we had, the way we used to hangout, the way we would tease each other and laugh, the times we used to cry for each other.. im going to miss them.. here's the thing, i'm tired. i dont wantt o be anything like some kind of "panakip-butas" or anything. im afraid i might not be there when you need me not because i dont want to but because im not the one that you need.

to everyone, please dont think of him as the antagonist in my life.. your are not the antagonist in this story that seems to be so confusing in my part, in our part. instead, i want to thank you for teaching me, for letting me feel the wonders of life. right now, its seems that the "butterflies in my tummy" has turned to maggots, to somethings that has crushing my heart, it seems hard to breathe. it seems to be so difficult to know what is and what is not. what i need and what to do.. although people will say im stupid or anything, its not what your thinking. hey, im doing this for myself. i have to save myself. i have to gain the respect that i lost, i have to stop abusing myself.
i just hope that you would be happy with whatever will happen to your life, a life away from me. i hope noone would be able to hurt you, i hope you'd realize your responsibilities and grow up. i hope that someone would be able to know and understand you, those moodswings and stuff..

i feel like shit right now, i still do love you, but it seems that i dont love myself anymore. i have to find things for myself. im sorry for the humiliation, the pain that you felt, its cant be compared tot he pain that i felt. we cant compare things, we cant relate to each otehr as of now. we are in different situations.. i have no one to run to.. although ni have friends, its goin to be different..

things are going to be different. i lost everything that i put my mind and heart to..
i am the meanest person i know right now..

goodbye isnt even the word for this..

"Foolish"

"Foolish"See my days are cold without you But I'm hurtin while I'm with you And though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you See my days are cold without you But I'm hurtin while I'm with you And though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you Baby I don't know why ya treatin me so bad You said you love me, no one above me And I was all you had And though my heart is eating for yaI can't stop crying I don't know howI allow you to treat me this way and still I stay See my days are cold without youBut I'm hurtin while I'm with you And though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you See my days are cold without you But I'm hurtin while I'm with you And though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you Baby I don't know why ya wanna do me wrongSee when I'm home, I'm all alone And you are always gone And boy, you know I really love you I can't deny I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears after all these years See my days are cold without you But I'm hurtin while I'm with you And though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you See my days are cold without you But I'm hurtin while I'm with you And though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you OohhhhhI trusted you, I trusted youSo sad, so sad what love will make you do All the things that we accept Be the things that we regret Too all of my ladies (ladies) Feel me c'mon sing wit me See, when I get the strength to leave You always tell me that you need meAnd I'm weak cause I believe youAnd I'm mad because I love youSo I stop and think that maybeYou can learn to appreciate meThen it all remains the same thatYou ain't never gonna change (never gonna change, never gonna change) See my days are cold without youBut I'm hurtin while im with you And though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you See my days are cold without you But I'm hurtin while im with you And though my heart can't take no moreI keep on running back to you Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me Boy I gave you all my heartAnd all you do is tear it upLooking out my windowKnowing that I should go Even when I pack my bagsThis something always hold me back

am i soo foolish???

help me..

i am so sad today..

i havent slept..i feel lost.. i want to runaway from all these pain.. i dont know.... was it really only him??? who else is there?? i dont know... i rreally dont...

well, beter go back to scholl right now.. i dont want to ruin my life..

you were the most beautiful thing in my life... now, i am scared to show my feelings, i am scared of everything else.. and im sorry if im not enough..

if i have the right, i'll wait.. wait for your decision..

hurt

fucked up.....

it hurts, i cant get the picture out of my head.. i cant help myself.. im sorry if i screamed at you or slapped you or punched you, i was so "overwhelmed" with my emotions..

help me!! somebody.. please.............